Daily Life with Koha-Ace (aka, How a Novelist Deals with Nobbu and Co)
by Toruushin
Summary: When I met her, I should have turned away. I didn't. Unfortunately, that very decision would inevitably lead to me to a path I never imagined I would ever take, with my former 'normal' life ending in all but an instant. Then again, daily life isn't so boring anymore... (A Reverse-Isekai-ish type of story)
1. In Which a Crimson Warlord is Bribed

When I entered my house, I was greeted with the sight of terror.

"You're late, my retainer! Tardiness is not something that I, the Demon Lord of the Sixth Heaven, approve of! If I was in a fouler mood than I am currently, your skull would have become the newest addition to my collection of drinking cups!" A single eye glittered with desire from underneath the bill of their cap. "Unless...you have something to offer, in exchange for your middling life?"

About fifteen minutes ago, I had finished unloading all of the boxes I had deemed necessary for my use in my new life in Japan. All of the necessities that a simple man would need on his way to becoming a great Light Novel novelist packed into cardboard boxes, all ready to be unpacked for me to begin a new chapter in my life. During the several hours of moving, traveling and waiting patiently, I had resolved myself to not take a single respite during my work. It was only after I had managed to bring in the last package did I finally allowed myself to rest, taking a moment to consider the arduous task of unpacking everything that awaited me.

Deciding that it would be for the best for me to continue in the morning, as the sun was setting and I hadn't eaten lunch or dinner yet, I had changed clothes, closed and locked the door, before walking towards the nearest convenience store with my only thought being what I would eat for dinner that night. All the while, my mind was completely calm, a still lake being the only thing that I envisioned in my inner psyche.

Got the picture in your head? Good.

Because the sight that befell me when I returned home was akin to seeing a group of screaming children running about deciding that peace was overrated, before engaging in a ballistic water gun fight to terrorize the local wildlife.

Not a very apt description of my psyche, but it would have to do.

Back to the subject at hand.

Red eyes stared straight into my own, blazing with a fire far beyond that of other men. Brimming with life, confidence, and everything else in-between, such were those eyes. With a primal hunger that could not be suppressed with something as simple as worldly materials, they quietly evaluated me, pressing me to prove to her just how much mettle I had within me. It was a gaze which longed to obtain something _more_, a curdling greed which defined their owner's very existence.

Long black hair with tresses that spooled all over the floor, giving a regal air to the sole occupant who was sitting on a golden cushion procured from...somewhere.

An angry red cape rested on their shoulders, ordained with a single gold chain that held the entire ensemble to their body. Combined with the blatant military uniform they were wearing, the whole outfit was trying very hard to be outlandish.

Which it was. Even by American standards.

All of this paled in comparison with the, admittedly, over-the-top military cap adorned with a golden sun, a symbol of power which practically _screamed_ attention. This person wanted all eyes on them, for people to know what their face looked like and make them burn the image into their memory. This was someone who cared less if the enemy focused their efforts on targeting them, only laughing in the face of a challenge.

These clues should probably have made me become bewildered. Confused. Perhaps even shocked and scared. Not everyone in the world would be able to react coherently when they realized that Nasu-sensei's Oda Nobunaga, Sengoku-era warlord in all of her Westernized glory, was sitting on a cushion in the middle of their room. Along with the fact that she had casually threatened them by offering to turn their skull into a _sakazuki_ cup.

Which was all happening to me right now.

I could have screamed. Called for help. Hell, I could have accepted death wholeheartedly, considering that some people would die (literally) for a chance to be touched by their favorite anime waifu. Throughout all of this, I could have let my thoughts fly, wondering how the living hell did a gender-inaccurate, fictional character managed to summon themselves into the real world, before deciding that my house was the perfect place to crash. Then, ponder over why she was addressing me so familiarly, all the while fanboying my heart out before I died.

All of these things I could have done, just to spare myself from the trouble of dealing with the future problems which would inevitably follow afterward. Every little issue that involved taking care of a living, breathing Servant could have been completely avoided, had I decided to just bite the bullet and turn away from everything.

"Here's some strawberry milk."

"Okay! You're forgiven~!"

Instead, I embraced my role as her monkey. And just like that, day one in Japan ended, with my new life beginning.

._.

_**Life Achievement Get: [First Housemate!]**_

._.


	2. In Which I Don't Have Understanding

I nursed my green tea as I closed my eyes, opening them to address my current 'house guest,' a slight headache forming as I attempted to fully process the answers she was giving me.

"So let me get this straight, Nobu-san. You're the actual Oda Nobunaga."

"Mmm-hm."

"And when I say 'actual,' I mean, the ACTUAL Nobunaga. Fool of Owari, Demon Lord of the Sixth Heaven, creator of the whole quote about 'If one wishes for peace, prepare for war?'"

"Mmm? Mmm-hm." went the warlord, mouth currently stuffed with a mixture of rice and _donkatsu_. At the moment, she was currently devouring her third pork cutlet bowl with gusto, cheeks reminiscent to that of a chipmunk.

An explanation is in order. Today is currently the second day of my stay in Japan, with me having woken up on the couch to see that the little Crimson warlord, who had devoured all of the snacks I had procured yesterday, i had inadvertently accepted into my household, shaking me awake and demanding food.

Seeing as how I didn't want to bother cooking in my new kitchen without familiarizing myself with the house, and the problem of me having absolutely nothing to cook (That and the fact that Oda-chan...Nobunaga-san..._Nobu_, had been looking at me with expectant eyes, stomach growling all the while. Weren't Servants supposed to be spiritual bodies…?), I made the decision to take us both out to the nearest family eatery that opened in the morning.

It was with some degree of luck that the two of us had managed to find one only after our first try, to which I had hurriedly pushed Nobu through in order to avoid the looks various pedestrians had been giving to the two of us.

Or rather, the looks that they had been giving to _her_.

As Japan was the very origin of the Fate series, Koha-Ace, and most importantly, _Fate Grand Order_, I was pretty sure that there would be, at the very least, one FGO-player out of every five civilians we passed. And, considering that the two of us had walked at least a mile away from my house, were currently living in Kyoto, AND I had failed to remember to get the midget warlord out of her current outfit in favor for a more 'normal' one…

Needless to say, the two of us had built up quite a group of stal- _followers,_ during our journey for sustenance, with the gaggle of people holding up smartphone cameras and flashing pictures doing absolutely nothing to help my internal turmoil. It was only thanks to the owner of the restaurant, an old man with a stocky build which belied his age, that the two of us had managed to get some degree of quiet, him shooing away all of the other 'fleas' who wanted to get more pictures of the 'awesome cosplayer' wearing Oda Nobunaga's outfit.

...I'm pretty sure that people would absolutely _riot_ if they found out that said 'cosplayer' was literally the real deal. Maybe even attempt to abduct her away from me, which would be tiresome to resolve.

I'm also not all too sure if I would come out of such a hypothetical encounter completely unscathed, considering the many dark stares that were pointed towards me by some of the more zealous males who were stalking us. In fact, I could have sworn one of them mouthed 'bastard normie,' towards me, a sentiment I most definitely refuse to reciprocate.

Just because you don't have an actual girlfriend doesn't mean that you can shove your negativity down _my_ throat! Besides, this Asian man (Who isn't Japanese by even the slightest.) who stands here is a perfectly fine example of how 'normies' can enjoy anime too! Don't judge a book by its cover!

Don't give me that look you jealous NEET! I can tell you that I've watched Oregairu and have learned at least fifteen different ways to diss you by the teachings of 8man! (Not that I even remember any of them.)

"Okay, that's just great. Wonderful. It's just so...unbelievable." I gave a wary glance towards the back of my unmarked right hand, fully expecting that the familiar red markings that dictated a person as a Master would spook me just for the hell of it.

Ten seconds passed, with nary a burning sensation nor a red light appearing from the appendage.

I'm stumped. Completely and utterly stumped. This was by no means a casual summoning, even more so since I didn't meet the basic qualifications to even _command_ a Servant. As far as I know, MY iteration of Gaea didn't even have so much as even a lick of mana to sustain, much less manifest, any dead spirits from the Throne of Heroes. The possibility that the contract to keep Nobunaga manifested was using od as a fuel source was starting to become increasingly plausible, but that brought about a new set of problems.

Namely, how in the world I was still alive if I was the ONLY thing tying Nobunaga to existence, if I had no Holy Grail yo lend me any assistance.

Was it a leyline under the city? Was Gaea starting to fall into the Age of the Gods? How was I able to do all of this magic stuff without me knowing it? Am I being delusional? Was Nobu actually able to turn into Spirit form? How is she receiving magic if there existed no spiritual connection between the two of us?

Am...I real? Am I in the freaking Matrix?! Are all of the wild theories made by those conspiracy theorists actually plausible?!

Nobu clearly didn't have the same sentiment as I, obviously not seeing anything wrong with our current arrangement. So while I was still knee-deep in theorizing and using every scrap of technical information from the Nasuverse in order to desperately explain my existence, she spoke with an expression that saw everything as perfectly fine.

"What's so unbelievable about me being here? I was summoned here, with you becoming my retainer once it was determined that I had been called forth in your residence. I don't see what's wrong."

"It's the fact that you were summoned here that everything is so wrong!" Upon a still-confused look from the black-haired girl, I groaned as I tilted my head towards the ceiling. "Seeing as I have no other way to prove it– here. No Command Seals. No way to anchor you into the mortal plane, much less even summon you. For all intents and purposes, I'm not your Master."

"I can confirm that you definitely aren't. I don't know all too much about magecraft, but I can tell you that there is absolutely no spiritual connection existing between the two of us."

I pursed my lips as I interlocked my fingers together.

"Then... how in the world are you still...y'know..._here_? As in, physically here, right now? Independent Action or not, the reversal of your existence by Gaea should be happening even right now–"

"Gaea doesn't exist in the way that you think it does in this world. I cannot explain why, as I already told you, I don't know all too much about magecraft, but from what I DO know, I've been incarnated into a physical vessel."

...what? How? Why? That completely topples all of my theories regarding the mechanics of Fate!

Was it a type of True Magic? Was some deity above playing some elaborate prank on me? Is fandom Zeltrech invading my planet?!

Before I could ask her to elaborate, Nobunaga yawned, eyes half-lidded as she wearily blinked.

"It appears...that I'm also subject to the constraints of a physical vessel–" She cut herself off with a massive yawn, smacking her lips as she gestured me to come forward. "I didn't foresee that the need for sleep would become an issue I would have to deal with, so I didn't sleep at all last night–" If I might interject, that's because you were playing Valkyria Chronicles all night! On my Switch! "–but it can't be helped~. Everything is a learning experience…"

A single finger was raised towards me. "You. Carry me back to the castle."

"But I'm already paying for your food–"

"No buts. Retainers must be the arms and legs of their lords. My burdens are your burdens. So with that being said, carry me."

"But–"

"Everything will be explained in due time. Don't worry, I'll reward you if you do a good job. So, carry me."

"But–"

"_Monkey._"

"...okay."

Many otakus dream of being the dominant power in a relationship with their fictional waifus/husbandos. The power that one feels when they order their girls/boys to meet their needs at their beck and call is nothing short of cathartic, with many just _imagining_ what they would do to reach that level of authority.

"Oof...Jesus...you're heavy."

"Do you want to get slapped?"

"No."

"Then quit complaining and start walking...silly monkey…"

I can tell you from firsthand experience, that being a dom is but an ephemeral dream.

Second? I'm totally whipped.

"You're totally whipped." said the elderly owner as I stumbled out of the diner, lugging the snoozing form of one Demon Lord of the Sixth Heaven on my back.

Thanks a lot old man.

**._.**

**Life Achievement Get: [Getting Whipped...and Learning Nothing!]**

**._.**


	3. In Which I Meet a Sakura Girl---in Bed

**Iwae! I said Iwae because I watch too much Kamen Rider!**

* * *

It had been three days after my new 'mistress' had been summoned into my humble abode.

Three days, ever since I allowed myself to become the Monkey of the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven, Oda Nobunaga.

Those three days had been rather nice, what with all of the icebreakers the two of us had (Nobu occasionally threatening me with a manifested musket to buy more strawberry milk. This had solidified my belief that this WAS indeed a Servant.), the activities the two of us participated in (Nobu dragging me away from the computer in order to explore Kyoto.), and all of the fond memories that we had accumulated (Me dragging an irate Nobunaga away from attempting to reconquer Honnoji.).

True, there had been a few tense moments that I did have to deal with, considering the fact that I had been asked (read: forced) to decorate an entire room dedicated to her. Space wasn't an issue, as the family who had lived in the house before had the thoughtfulness of extending the house a few floors extra. It simply had been a bit of a pain trying to hang up all of those red drapes around her wall, all while the resident of the said room had entertained herself with my Switch...again. How did Gudao manage to deal with her on a daily basis?

Nevertheless, life was good. No other Servants had been summoned, with only the two of us living in one household. Other than the occasional moment where Nobu decided to alleviate her boredom by dragging me off to wherever she wanted to go, our lives were pretty much as 'normal' as they were going to get.

All in all, it was a solid affair. A Lord and her Monkey, living life at the Monkey's expense.

Which brings me to day four, when I woke in a faceful of cleavage.

"...eh?"

–with the absolute misfortune to have the owner of said cleavage wake up at the same time I did.

"...eh?"

Pink hair. Delicate features. A face which was all too similar to that of a certain King of Knights, except with a more Eastern touch to it. Even if they didn't know her name, any self-respecting Fate fan could instantly identify her by the label that Takeuchi-sensei instilled into all of his characters.

I knew that face a bit too well. After all, I burned at least three hundred dollars worth of Saint Quartz trying to get her during the Honnoji banner, only succeeding after the despair had started to kick in. The amount of cheering I had done that day was more than enough to break through the writer's block I had been suffering from at the time, with the addition of giving me bragging rights to anyone who didn't have one of the poster girls of Koha-Ace.

Suck on that, livestreaming guy who has everything except for Okita! I have the high ground!

Black eyes met a piercing amber, no words being exchanged. It was a surreal moment, a duel that was about to take place between two expert swordsmen.

It was a still field of grass, with two swordsmen encountering each other. Their katanas remained sheathed, with the two of them not making a single movement.

A hawk screeches in the sky, breaking the stillness.

There it was; the storm which breaks the calm. Hands reach for sheathed blades, each swordsman not making a single movement. While each one is not physically fighting, a battle of wills is being engaged at this very moment, daring the other to give in and attack.

_Closer and closer, the two of them get. Inch by precious inch is erased, the two warriors more than ready to act. Hands grip on their respective katanas, muscles tensing up to strike._

**_Then–!_**

"Oi, Monkey! Are you awake– Oh, Okita! You're here! How have you been?" A pause. "...why are you fooling around with my Monkey?"

Nobu arrived.

Okita slipped.

Cause and Effect activates!

In an instant, Sakura Saber's face started to flush a crimson red, her heart starting to beat faster. My opponent had cracked, but I'm not too sure if I'm going to be able to make it out of the resulting aftermath unscathed. Mistake or not, I was currently trespassing in the Forbidden Valley (literally), meaning that the divine laws of anime comedy were about to come bearing down on me with the force of a thousand Stellas.

As such, I decided to do what I thought was the best form of action I could take at the time...

_Pat_.

_Squish_.

"Hm...soft." I muttered, just loud enough for Okita to hear, all while patting one of the heavenly melons that I had the luck/misfortune of being smothered in. "Very soft. Like mink fur."

If I was going to die, then I was going to enjoy myself before I offered my head.

No regrets! Such is the way of a real man!

Okita didn't share the same sentiment.

"KYAAAAAAAAAA!"

_*Slap*_

Then I blacked out, having being struck head-on by an embarrassed Seibaface.

Overall? I regret nothing.

._.

**Life Achievement Get: [Second Roommate!]**

._.


	4. In Which I Beg for Forgiveness (lol)

**Insert mandatory introductory one-liner, here.**

* * *

It is a widely accepted fact that once one has done someone else wrongly, they must do whatever necessary to appease the one who they have wronged with absolute haste. Just like how destroying something is so much easier than building it back up, it also applies to the very concept of obtaining forgiveness as well.

To make a short story even shorter? It's hard as hell.

The most humblest of words should be carefully selected to ensure that the recipient understands the endless amounts of regret one has for their actions. It can't be too dramatic, as regret can easily be perceived as fake if not enough genuine passion is put into it.

One must take careful measures to offer whatever material goods that balance with the offended's tastes while also making sure to not make it look like you're buttering them up. A simple bouquet or some chocolates would be perfectly fine, but something you made yourself would be absolutely wonderful as well.

Finally, upon lowering the emotional barriers that they have set up specifically for you to a fitting degree, one must ask for forgiveness, all the while baring their heart for the world to see.

That means getting on your hands and knees and kowtowing. Cast aside your pride as a man (in my case) and accept that you did a wrong that you must repent for!

All of this added together makes up for what you can do to help a person along the road of eventually forgive you. Such is the formula that I have concocted from hours of research, the ultimate guide that I have created for all you who wish to learn the truth about appeasing most human beings; a simple algorithm of heartfelt words, tasteful offerings and finally, the inevitable apology.

I am a man who does not like to let grudges lie. There have been times in the past where I had many sleepless nights where I stared at the ceiling, constantly worrying about some wrong I did to another person. Whether it be the smallest thing, like dropping a mug of coffee on their shirt, to accidentally dropping a grand piano on their car (don't ask), I could never feel at rest unless such grudges were laid to rest.

As such, the Forgiveness Algorithm was invented! It's a simple way of thought but is quite unbreakable...

"I'm sorry for touching your boob."

"Sorry doesn't cut it!"

"It was very nice to the touch? Very supple and bouncy–ow. Okay, no more mentioning that. Please put away the sword."

–unless you're dealing with an angry woman. Which was therein the underlying problem that I, unfortunately, had to deal with.

In that case, simply abandon all hope. You're a lost cause.

The next few days/weeks/years of your life are going to be a living hell.

Hey, I DID say that the algorithm only worked on 'most humans!'

"I'll buy you dango for you to throw this whole thing under the rug?"

"No! As much as the strongest Okita-san loves sweets, I refuse to fall to the false words of a pervert!"

Ouch.

Pervert? That actually hurts my pride. As a healthy young man reaching the age of nineteen, I must protest that what happened three hours ago was simply the reaction of a man who has absolutely no intention of following the rules of slapstick to the letter.

Plus, those melons you wear? Absolutely enticing. What sane man of culture WOULDN'T take advantage of the situation? An idiotic one, that's who! To NOT do the deed would be tantamount to spitting on the graves of our ancient ancestors, those who first introduced the idea of 'culture' into our uncivilized society of tentacles and tsunderes. My actions were perfectly justified!

In the words of Stan Lee, 'Nuff said!'

"I'll buy you them from Nippori? An entire box of their best, world-class premium? I'll even throw in a box of mochi?"

"I'm a member of the Shinsengumi! B-bribery isn't going to work on me!"

Liar. I can see that you're just this close to drooling.

You cannot hide what I already know from playing Fate Grand Order, miss policewoman! I've heard Aoi Yuuki's voice plenty of times to know that you have an affection for sweets and children! Seeing as how I don't have any access to any little kids at the moment, I can only make use of your second weakness with absolute impunity!

True, you may be a former member of the Shinsengumi, but that's what it is! A 'former' member! Meaning that you aren't morally dictated to rely on the Laws of the Shinsengumi at this moment! True, with my crappy luck, there might be a wild Hijikata lurking somewhere around the neighborhood, but I'm going to take my chances and attack you at your weakest!

Call me a cowardly, cheat of a man, but you literally can break me in half if you wanted to. I must make use of any psychological weaknesses I can grab onto and take advantage of the 'high ground' whenever it's given to me!

It's for the sake of survival that I do this! The survival of this household, and the survival of all of the nice monks who are currently living in Honnoji!

...that, and I'm genuinely sorry for touching your boob.

Despite the fact that it did feel nice. Like the suppleness of a Nippori dango–

...which totally isn't what I'm focused on right now.

Back to baiting the hungry Seibaface.

"I think I have some fresh mochi ice cream in the freezer…"

"Don't think that this is going to work! I-I'm not going to fall for it! Besides, I'm not that hungry right now!"

A groaning sound that erupted from her stomach immediately refuted her claim, with Okita's face quickly turning red. I raised one of my eyebrows in disbelief, all the while doing my best to not mimic the smirk of a certain Death Note owner.

Based on my previous experience with Nobunaga, it appears that Servants aren't summoned with their 'hunger' satiated. As such, there was a genuine reason WHY I was even talking about food: to make the strongest Okita-san fall before the power of her empty stomach, allow me to offer her an olive branch of a truce and hopefully make her forget the entire reason why she was angry at me in the first place.

A completely anime-like plan with absolutely no basis behind it... but at this point, my life's already an anime.

Besides, there is a bigger reason why I want you to forget the boob-touching incident as soon as possible, Okita-san. Nobu's antics are something I simply cannot control on my own. For the sake of ensuring that this household remains as sane as possible, your Shinsengumi to rein in Nobunaga's incessant desire to burn down the Buddhists is necessary!

So with that being said: fall to the inevitable pull of your hungry Seibaface genes, little space-warping policewoman! Once you have fully succumbed and become more advantageous to take advantage of, I will be able to resume my guilt-free life without any trouble whatsoever!

It was perfect! All according to keikaku! The perfect plan to make me the sole shining oasis for the thirsty traveler known as Okita Souji!

All I needed to do now, was make the bait look more appetizing.

"It's strawberry?"

"N-no…"

"It's cool, chewy, and refreshing?"

"I-"

"I'm pretty sure there's green tea flavor included?"

"..."

She was unsure. Her facial features all practically scream that she's literally at the precipice of falling!

One more push…

"Oh well…" I let out a 'genuinely' sorrowful sigh. "I might as well let Nobu have them all if you really don-"

"...-ive you…" Sakura Saber mumbled, the hair shadowing her eyes.

"What was that? I'm afraid I can't hear too well."

"I…-give you…"

"You'll have to repeat that again~ I still can't hear you~"

Okita lifted her head, a painfully hungry expression accompanying the cherry-red blush that was currently on her face. "I forgive you! There! I'll forget everything that just happened!"

I offer the Shinsengumi a 1000-watt smile that would make Edison proud.

"Okay! The kitchen's on the left of the hallway." With that, Okita abruptly ran off towards the dining area, undoubtedly attempting to find the mochi ice cream to alleviate her current hunger pains. On the other hand, I was deriving a personal sense of glee for being able to toy around with someone else's pride.

"You're pretty evil, you know?" Nobunaga's voice trailed from the side, each sound she made accompanied by the sound of chewing. "Playing around with the manslayer like that… It's something that I would do, really."

"..." The only thing that I offered her was an unimpressed, half-lidded stare.

Yeah, it IS only something that only YOU would do. Only YOU would be evil enough to mess around with the Sakura Saber who everyone pairs up with you in all those doujins. Me? I personally would have never even relished, much less take advantage of, the opportunity to even do this to another civilized person!

Gee, I wonder how I was influenced to be the way that I am now?

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Nobunaga finished her sentence by popping a mochi in her mouth. "Are you okay, monkey? You look like you've just swallowed a lemon."

Despite my victory...the obliviousness of this demonic woman is something I cannot hope to overcome.

**._.**

**Life Achievement Get: [Bait the Eevee!]**

**._.  
**

**Aoi Yuki: Vui, vui!**


	5. In Which I Learn Social Skills (ish)

**Apparently, most lipstick contains fish scales. **

**...don't ask me why I even mentioned that.**

* * *

_**{WELCOME TO FATEBATTLES - Online Forum Chat Group}**_

_**[USERNAME: TeRaTo]**_

_**[PASSWORD: **************]**_

_**{Authenticating...complete!}**_

_**{Welcome TeRaTo!}**_

_**{Accessing Server: Editor's Corner}**_

_User TeRaTo has logged onto the server._

Oh-Ryo-San - Good afternoon, Terato-san! You've come a bit later than our agreed appointment time. Did something happen?

TeRaTo \- Sorry I'm late. I had a little debacle I needed to settle before I was able to get onto a computer.

Oh-Ryo-San \- Ah. Who was it?

TeRaTo \- ...It's a bit scary that you already seem to know the cause of my problems even before I even mentioned if it was a person. No offence intended Ryo-san, but are you a psychic? Esper? Interdimensional creature from outer space? Eldritch dragon spewing black fire?

Oh-Ryo-San \- XD None taken! It was simple logic, really, TeRaTo-kun. Besides, we've known each other for about three years already; I know you wouldn't delay from any deadlines given to you, no matter how small they may be. That leaves the plausible case of someone else delaying you instead. How correct am I?

TeRaTo \- On the spot. Just to be expected by my senior; nothing passes by you at all! *Sigh* It's a bit of...

Oh-Ryo-San \- Mind if I ask you what they were doing to have you delayed for the last fifteen minutes? I can't imagine that it was any small issue…

TeRaTo \- It's my...cousins. I was in charge of taking care of them by my relatives. Some prolonged business trip of some sort? So, I needed to keep an eye on them, all while I had to unpack and set down all of my belongings. Course, them being the absolute CHILDREN that they are, they started to get into a fight over the most ridiculous of things — in a nutshell, the two were creating absolute havoc in the kitchen for the last strawberry milk.

TeRaTo \- A strawberry.

TeRaTo \- Milk.

TeRaTo \- Of all the things in the world to fight about.

TeRaTo \- Now, both are in timeout. I don't usually raise my voice, but I had to do it to them unfortunately.

Oh-Ryo-San -I cannot say that I envy your position at all. Well, while I never had any problems with any cousins of my own, I can relate to your plight to some degree.

TeRaTo \- Oh? Why's that?

Oh-Ryo-San - Let's just say that my partner can be a bit much for even me sometimes. She has a bit of a temper, especially when I don't feed her on time.

TeRaTo \- Sounds troublesome.

Oh-Ryo-San \- I won't deny that it sometimes is. But, sometimes people can show their true value with a little bit of work. All it takes is time, and even the most tyrannical of dragons can become the kindest of friends. Despite all the troubles that I do occasionally get because of her, I've never regretted it one bit.

TeRaTo \- That...was actually pretty deep, Ryo-San. I should make a note of that for a potential plot point for later…

Oh-Ryo-San \- Ah!? Please don't! That would be absolutely embarrassing! I call copyright!

TeRaTo \- Agh! My only weakness! Legal claims! Whatever should I do?! XD

TeRaTo \- Say, Ryo-san? Before we start work, can I just ask you something?

Oh-Ryo-San \- What is it? I'm all ears.

TeRaTo \- How...How can I make it up to my cousins? I genuinely feel bad for restraining them so much, but I can't bring myself to trust that they won't blow something up when I stop laying my eyes the moment that I see them.

TeRaTo \- And knowing them, one of them is going to DEFINITELY blow something up. Most likely a Buddhist temple of some sort.

TeRaTo \- Don't ask. She just had a strange way of appreciating her good old Indian Jesus.

Oh-Ryo-San \- How about you take them on a trip? Let them have a little bit of freedom, before judging them based off of their results? I'm sure they'd love to show you around! And anyway, you should definitely go and enjoy Japan's sights as well. Knowing you, you probably didn't even take the time to think about relaxing yourself, didn't you?

TeRaTo \- Yes, but...I don't have anything to say against that.

Oh-Ryo-San \- Exactly. Take your cousins for a trip around Tokyo. Enjoy the sights, experience the culture! It's been a month since you arrived here; might as well take the opportunity to make something good out of it.

Oh-Ryo-San \- As much as you don't like to leave work unattended, I could easily tell that your work quality has gone down compared to your usual works. Light novels have a distinct quality to them that makes them enjoyed by their readers. You, as of this moment, don't have that.

Oh-Ryo-San \- Just think of this as an assignment from me. I want you to go out today and do everything BUT brainstorming or writing.

Oh-Ryo-San \- You're still young. Enjoy your life! Stop setting yourself with overarching goals that hurt you more than they benefit you. Remember what I told you, all those months ago?

TeRaTo \- Alright... You've got me. I'll do it. For the sake of moving forwards, I'll do as you say.

Oh-Ryo-San \- Wonderful! Then, that's settled! This meeting is now adjourned!

TeRaTo \- Wait, what? That's it? What of the revisions to my plot?

Oh-Ryo-San \- Do you want me to be brutally honest or gentle?

TeRaTo \- I prefer that you give me a straight answer. I can take a bit of criticism, Ryo-San.

Oh-Ryo-San \- It's absolute garbage. I put my explanations in the notes.

TeRaTo \- ...ok. That was a lot more than what I had expected. But thanks?

Oh-Ryo-San \- You're very welcomealsosendfrog

Oh-Ryo-San \- ...what? Ryo-San, are you alright?

Oh-Ryo-San \- please ignor that last bit, terato-kun

Oh-Ryo-San \- My partners a bi hungry at the momen

Oh-Ryo-San \- I'll be going now! Until then!

_User Oh-Ryo-San has left the server_

.

..

...

...what in the world was that about?

**._.**

_**Life Achievement Get: [Mentoree : Social Life 101]!**_

**._.**


	6. In Which I Take the Kids Outside (Pt 1)

**When one watches Yuri on Ice, but realizes there's no yuri.**

**O_o**

* * *

For a woman who had lost practically all of her mirth in the first few seconds of my tirade of exasperated roaring, Nobunaga Oda was having way too much fun.

"Behold my ambition! For years upon years, my people have toiled together for the sake of the total unification of Japan, attempting to lead through the power of military force! Now, look where we are today, for the greatness of Oda Nobunaga lies before you today, in all of its splendor! It is my work made manifest, my ideals crystallized into history! Umu umu, what a fantastical work of art!"

"Nobu-san. It's a manga. About you. As a girl?"

"I know! It's awesome, isn't it?! Especially this funny monkey who looks just like you!" I could have sworn I heard a molar crack with the fake grin I directed at her.

"For one, your hair isn't blonde. Second, I'm not a history geek. I'm definitely not a brunette. And I SURE as hell am no goddamn harem protagonist." And never would I ever try to obtain such a title. People can go on and on about how 'harems are wonderful things' or 'just marry all of them; it's A-OK!,' but that would be unrealistic. I mean, how DOES one even manage a relationship with more than two women, much less ten?

Escapism is the primary drive that makes harems appealing. It's simple psychology really; what one cannot have in reality is ultimately desired for and fantasized about. That was it, there was nothing more than that.

It's totally not because of the fact that I don't have the balls to ask a woman to go on a date with me. Yep, absolutely not because my courage in the realm of romance is limited to only those trashy romance novels Okkie forces me to read.

Much to my dismay, my crimson warlord could read my mind.

"Ah, meh! You lack drive!" Nobu waved me off, much to my indignant irritation. "If you don't muster up the courage to the land of impossibility, then you'll never get anything done! Looks, prestige, or size notwithstanding; so long as one has the courage to push on forwards, anything is possible!

Oi, woman. Have you seriously already forgotten about how much trouble you were in not too long ago?! Of how you fired a flintlock musket equivalent to that of a hand cannon in the kitchen which was also INSIDE the house?! Let's not even mention how trashed the place was after I had to practically force the two of you apart, much at my own personal risk! I'm a squishy human, trying to get in between two Servants, who were fighting for the most ridiculous of reasons.

How important is strawberry milk anyway?! It's not a Holy Grail!

The only reason WHY I even considered this little trip was because of my editor, and I'm starting to seriously regret even doing i— why are you looking at me with so much smugness in those eyes?!

"You're just sweating the small details! You need to be more like this Yoshiharu fellow! Be more ambitious! Conquer that which you want to desire! Aren't I right, Okita?"

"..." Okita didn't make a sound.

Nobu's momentum faltered as she turned towards the Shinsengumi. "Er...Okita? Are you alright?"

The manslayer didn't respond, too engrossed in her current book to even register what her friend had said. Her eyes were plastered on the action that was occurring in front of her, each and every panel making her jump as her amber eyes darted from one page to the next.

Nobunaga peeked over her much taller companion in an attempt to get a look, freezing up upon seeing the images within. I didn't' need to even guess what was going on, having gotten a glance at the book's title.

_Otokogokuro._

My apologies, Ms. Nobunaga, but Ms. Okita is currently in her own little world at this very moment. As much as I would love to save her myself, I'm afraid that the drug known as 'doujinshi' is too addicting for one such as me to cure…

...especially if said doujin so happened to be of the 'yaoi' variant.

"Wh-what is the big man doing to the little man?" Okita whispered to herself, the violent red blush on her face giving her to approximation of a tomato. "Where is he putting that...into _there_? Isn't that... dirty?"

"Hoooh?" Nobunaga had recovered quickly, giving the book a pensive, intense look mixed with what I_ hope_ isn't intrigue. "I never knew that this even existed! What intriguing flexibility, even for a man! This is amazing!"

Nobu-san. Nobu-san! Please don't start breathing like that! The other customers are looking at you weirdly! Please stop, I'm feeling embarrassed for you and I absolutely dislike it!

Oi, why are you looking at me like that?! Please don't look at me with those hungry eyes! I have no intention of becoming the subject of every yaoi fangirl's paradise! This entire story is going to become rated-R if you continue any longer!

And Okita-san, please stop making those embarrassing noises! I know the realm of adults is a shocking revelation, but you're overreacting! You're a bloody Heroic Spirit older than most of present day humanity; please act like one!

After what seemed like an eternity, each second being absolutely _excruciating_ for me to even witness, Sakura Saber quietly closed the paperback, finally tearing herself from continuing on with that cursed novel. All seems still, as the Shinsengumi captain just stands there. Not a single movement, except for the rise of her chest as she breathes.

Then, Okita Souji turned towards me, face flushed with the complexion of a cherry. Her mouth opens and closes, pondering over the correct words that she wants to say. I have a feeling of cold dread crawling up my spine, but I still my soul to face the consequences I have wrought upon myself.

"C-can I have this?" Okita's expression seems hopeful, her eyes shining with the look of an acolyte having witnessed a revelation from God himself. "This...I need to...I _must_ analyze this more."

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: the birth of a new fujoshi.

May God save us all.

**._.**

_**Life Achievement Get: [You Got Ebina'd!]**_

**._.**


End file.
